HIV IS NOT A DEADLY DISEASE!

Kees Notenboom shares his experience as an HIV positive person in an interview with Kayode Gomes….. 

 Can we meet you?

 I’m 61years; I live in Utrecht since about 41/42 years. I studied mathematics, after few years, I switched to computer systems. I worked until 4/5years ago, then I switched to do a masters study in business information system in Amsterdam,  I finished  that study about a month ago and now I’m thinking what to do next. I’m in a relationship for 33years and we’ve been living together for 28years. Somewhere along the line I got HIV. I was detected in October 2007, but I must have got it maybe for 10 years without knowing, I’m not sure.

How did you find out about your status?

At the end of 2005 I had some spots on my upper body and my face, it couldn’t be cured and somehow I went to the dermatologist and another one and another one again. At the end, I was referred to the university hospital, from the beginning they tried some remedy and potion, but it didn’t work out. At the end in October 27^th, I was very tired and it continued everyday and there was no explanation for my tiredness, so I went to a doctor in the university hospital and had HIV test at the end where I was detected positive; too much surprise to me, I didn’t expect it, however it felt as a relief, all my problems were suddenly explained. All the things (health issues) I had could be related to HIV. I was detected with 52cd cells, I opt for immediate treatment, and there was no doubt about not treating it or delaying treatment. So within a week I started my medication. Within 3months the viral load was indictable. And well, I have no problems except for my skin with little problem, I use a few medications for it and that’s all, no outside effects or effects of the medication and so I’M HAPPY AGAIN.

Were you in a relationship as at when you were detected positive?

Yes...Yes...yes, my relationship is been for 33years like I said earlier, my boyfriend or husband, though we are not legally married, know my status and accompanies me when visiting the doctor in case the doctor says things that I will forget.

  

So how did your boyfriend take it knowing you are HIV positive?

That is more or less a forbidden question, most people don’ like to answer such question I know, but I have no problem answering that question, but I don’t know the answer to that question, I have no idea, I have no clue. I was never f**ked by anyone at that time, to my honest opinion, I always practice safe sex, we are not monogamous, but on the other hand, maybe I had sex with 2/3 people, but not that much, maybe just 2 in a year. It’s just BAD LUCK. Whatever happened, I have no idea. We all thought at that time it was a virus I had a long time, and I have no idea how to reconstruct which people I met or may have met10 years before. I strongly believe I got the infection 10 years before it was detected.

What’s your perception about HIV/AIDS?

HIV/AIDS was new to the world at about the same time I came out of the closet in the early 80s, I just admitted it to myself that I was gay, a lot of people told me as first reaction to my coming out; “Oh, did you hear about the gay cancer?”. I and my boyfriend/husband are very educated; my husband is a professor in lots of universities in Netherlands. We know how things are and by the time I was detected HIV positive, I also knew it was not a deadly disease anymore. It’s not a nice message to receive, but I didn’t panic, I just thought; oh my God, wow, ok that’s it, maybe I will live a few years shorter than I will have…but, HIV IS NOT A DEADLY DISEASE. So let’s get medication and we will see what life brings me. For the first 2 years I hadn’t told anybody except my close inner circle family and friends that I was HIV positive, reason for that is because I was working in a place where I still suspect discrimination even of gay people, so if I come out as gay and even an HIV person then it won’t be nice to work there anymore. So I decided to limit who knew I was HIV positive. Well, I left that company 4 years ago, and actually now is no problem for me to tell anybody I’m HIV positive with two exceptions, my mother and mother in-law…(laughs). They are both very old. I don’t think it will help any of us about letting them know my status. But other people, some neighbors know that I’m HIV positive, others don’t, you have no control over who is telling who what, but I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH ANYONE KNOWING. It took me few months to get used to my medication, first 3 months was 2 twice a days, and now it’s just once a day 2 pills. I do not forget to take it because I’ve programmed my phone to remind me. So I take my pills very consciously till date for about 9years now.

So how is it like, living positive?

Just like a gay person not positive, I think there a lot of diseases that are much more worse to live with; in form of cancer, mental disorder; these other problems will make people uncomfortable than I am.

How is it being gay?

Same sex union is been legalized in Holland since 1945 or 1948, something like that, it was only a short time in Netherlands history that homosexuality was not legal. In the early 70s, there was equality between straight sex and gay sex. Straight sex was allowed at the age of 18 and gay sex was allowed at the age of 21. In 1999, civil partnership was allowed, then in 2001 or so, can’t really remember, it was changed to fully equal marriage, so it’s not a problem legally, though discriminatory situation occur. There are places in the city where I could not walk hand in hand with my boyfriend, but usually it’s no problem. Sometime we walk hand in hand and get strange looks from people, other people reacting in an admiring way. A lot of people in their mind might not be pleased that I’m HIV positive or that someone is HIV positive, that’s possible. As far as I see, in the gay community, hardly anyone have a problem with being HIV positive anymore. I’m using several dating apps; I meet other people for sex. Well, there is usually a point in time I tell that I’m HIV positive; reactions are ok, if you play it safe. I can’t remember I had any rejection, at least not because I’m HIV positive, just maybe I’m not the right type for the  guy, that’s possible. But I don’t think that’s a problem. I don’t think I have any negative influence because I’m HIV positive.

How is it possible you have sex with your partner and he is negative?

That’s not true, we don’t have sex anymore, we are that long with each other, we love each other, we cuddle a lot, but you can’t call what we have sex. We are not sexually attracted to each other anymore. We both completely have different preference in sexuality, so we both have sexual relationship outside our marriage. And that’s the reason why I think he is negative and I’m positive. It has nothing to do with my status, in the cause of the years, we gradually distance from hardcore sex.

Do you have sexual relationship outside?

Yep, I’ve got two friends I encountered. I started practicing hardcore sex few years ago. They both prefer to use condoms, but there are also situations that I like to meet other guys instantly and then well, there are a few people who want to have sex without condom. But I usually want to know them, talk to them, what they do regularly, if they get tested at a regular base, if they have other diseases and if I don’t trust it, I refuse to have sex without condom. Two or three times I had sex without condom because I trusted the person. In one situation I know the other person was in same situation as I’m, HIV positive in a rather safe environment living, he knew what he was doing; he knew the risk of unprotected sex. 

Do you inform your sex partners of your status before having sex?

Yea, but not always true, there was one situation that we didn’t have to talk, I just was about to tell the guy that I’m HIV positive and at that point, he said; “don’t tell anything” he just jacked off and that’s all, no risky sex what so ever. On the other hand he must have known I’m HIV positive because we knew each other from the dating app, and my status says; SAFE SEX, NEED DISCUSSION. You will always know, if there is need for discussion,  then the guy is HIV positive. You can recommend that. The guy wanted to see me again, but I’m curious whether we will see or not.

What’s your advice to people living with HIV/AIDS?

I think it’s complicated, I know what it is living with HIV in the Netherlands, maybe I have an idea what it is in Europe or western Europe, but I don’t know anything of your country (Nigeria) or continent (Africa). It also depends on how well educated you are, if you read papers, catch up with the news on HIV and other diseases and you probably know much more than the average person.  It could give you confidence in how you live or not. I also read and checklist people sometimes, I see that they are really in panic because they are HIV positive, young people, not well educated I guess, not sure. Generally I think in the Netherlands it is the right thing to talk to people, not only your doctor, but also to your friends and family. Just talk, think and rethink about your situation, HIV IS NOT A DEATH VERDICT ANY MORE, I suppose as it’s always. Start medication as soon as possible. Don’t hesitate; I hope that you can pay for it, that could also be a problem in some countries I suppose, and the most important thing is; HIV MEANS YOU HAVE CAUGHT THE VIRUS. Well, that’s just BAD LUCK, you are NOT A BAD PERSON, you are an UNLUCKY PERSON. Once you realize that, you are able to influence situations. You know ok; “I’m a person, I’m worth living, I enjoy living, it’s already that I’m HIV positive”. It’s good to be subconscious about your situation and JUST BE CAREFUL AND NOT AFRAID TO LIVE, it’s not necessary. On the other hand, you have to be careful, who do you tell, who do you not tell. Yep, because you can never un-tell a story, and people do remember, they will remember especially in bad times.

What’s your advice to people that are HIV Negative?

In the Netherlands, I would say if you are negative, as a lesbian, just follow the headlines in the news, if you are a straight person and monogamous, it’s the same. Don’t be afraid of things, you can’t get HIV by shaking ones hand, or sharing glass cups. If you are straight and not monogamous, get tested, straight HIV person in Netherlands are not very many, MAJORITY OF HIV POSITIVE ARE GAY PEOPLE and DRUG ADDICTS. But get tested on regular basis if you think you might be in a risky situation or just read about it, inform yourself. THE INFORMED PERSON IS MUCH STRONGER.

What’s your advice to LGBTI?

First and most important is ENJOY BEING WHOM YOU ARE, enjoy life, don’t be ashamed of whom you are because you are just an LGBT. If you have problem being LGBT, you will have problem finding jobs, housing, you will have problems looking at yourself in the eyes, talking to friends and family on whoever you are. If you are as unlucky as I’m catching the virus…that’s just it, you are unlucky, you didn’t do anything wrong, I suppose, usually it’s not. Ok, there are very risky situation you shouldn’t have done, but accept yourself.

 

Closing remark

If you are HIV positive, please look for other HIV positive person, you can help each other. Start looking for other people, there are organizations, just look out for people in same situation and talk. It’s really important.

Oldest profession in the World....

Exclusive; RED LIGHT SECRET

Visiting the world famous "Red Light District" in Amsterdam was worthwhile for me, a place where you have the world oldest profession (prostitution) taking place legally. I was able to get little information from the picture stories on the wall and bed rooms in the museum including you tube link for information and learning (educative). Unfortunately I was unable to have one on one interaction with the over 400 girls in their private rooms as I was not paying for 'sex'. However, I was able to get relevant information from the museum. It might also interest you to know that a big church is located right in the center of Red light district and the girls have rooms surrounding the church, they also have confession room in the museum to confess their sexual sin and ask for forgiveness, it’s also a part of the museum where tourist can make confessions verbally or written. More so, 70% of the prostitutes in Red light district are either married or in a serious relationship, as prostitution is an official profession in Holland.

Just like Holland, prostitution exist in every other part of the world. Brothel and non-brothel based, the difference is its illegal in many countries.

But what is it about prostitution?

 

Prostitution is the legal word for sex work; it is simply defined as sex work. However, there are different words to describe a prostitute, whether male or female, some of the words are dignifying while some are degrading. Being a prostitute is not a label but a profession because it provides income. A prostitute doesn’t have to be found in the hotel/brothel or on the street. He/she can be contacted by client on phone, hook ups, social media etc. As long as you have sex in exchange for benefit, it is called sex work (prostitution). Amazingly most sex workers operate at different levels with high class clients. They even commit their business into God’s hands. It’s a way of life for some, while others are either using it as a means of survival or been forced into it.

Not all prostitutes enjoy their job as sex workers, for some, sexual relationship with their client is simply business. While some enjoy it and even keep steady relationship with the client regardless if the client is married or not.
 Some people just enjoy having sex randomly, they like to explore, it’s an adventure for them, they lack nothing, but there is always an exchange whether in kind or cash. Some have to get things done like when marketing a product or service, is just part of what they have to do to keep their corporate jobs in other to meet target and gain promotion.

A woman however good and noble she may be by nature, in my view stands in immediate danger in today’s society of sinking into the maelstrom of prostitution if she has no means and isn’t protected by her own family. What is natural than that one should support such a person?

 Unfortunately, human trafficking is a common phenomenon in prostitution. Human trafficking is recruitment, transportation or selling of people for the purpose of exploitation. Some young women are lured and convinced most times under false pretense by friends or pimps to work as a prostitute. This often happen with extensive physical or psychological abuse. How many women are ‘forced’ into prostitution is unclear. The range is from 10% to 90%. Hardship can/has also force some into prostitution.

Prostitution is one of the most dangerous professions in the world. Practically many times around the world, prostitutes are murdered on daily basis while doing their business. Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) is very common among sex workers; HIV/AIDS cannot be overemphasized as most sex workers have unprotected sex especially when their client is paying more, or when they are emotionally attached to their client. Abortion is a normal thing for a sex worker or a lady that lives a reckless life, most young ladies even give birth to children they can’t determine who the father is.

Every year, thousands of women are promised a dance career or better life in Europe, sadly so many of them end up in prostitution. Even in the movie industry and corporate world, people are been exploited of their body to get movie roles, contract and jobs.

Interestingly, it’s discovered that most of the people patronizing prostitutes are of different age group, social class and mostly influential. For instance in Europe and America, celebrities patronize prostitutes more often than the ordinary people. For example, In Abuja, Nigeria, a business and social place, the influential people such as politicians and business men patronize sex workers more often using pimps and so do celebrities. While its normal for the ordinary man to patronize the low/average class prostitutes. These means prostitutes are patronize by all. Everyone patronizes a prostitute one way or the other, as long as there is an exchange of benefit. 

In ancient Rome, prostitution was legal, in fact it was a honorable profession and prostitutes were treated with great respect. Nowadays most people look down on prostitutes. It is however an aspect of life which many at some time will be exposed to including celebrities and influential individuals. you can therefore question how deviating prostitution actually is.

Often times, the victims of this profession are stigmatized, discriminated against and even criminalized. It’s so unfortunate that even those that patronize them, including their family victimize them. For instance, an influential person that patronizes a sex worker whether male or female and still seat on national decision making table to criminalize the same group/persons  he/she patronizes. Is this not inhuman and pathetic?

There is a lot to say about sex and it being a profession for those that do it for benefit. But I will leave you with this short piece as I hope this article revealed some secrets. Most of all, I hope that we are able to see men and women concerned in a totally different light, they are human just like anyone else, who work hard under often difficult circumstances and they deserve to be treated with respect. if you can support them by counseling/educating or empowering them, it will go a long way in giving them a better life, no sex worker is happy being a sex worker especially the ones doing it for survival, or being forced. For those that do it to gain promotion at their place of work or to reach target as market strategy, I advise it’s not the best as it’s against human rights for you to give your body to get what you deserve. So many things need to be checked, being a prostitute is very risky and difficult job. Let’s try as much as possible not to discriminate, stigmatize or criminalize those concerned. After all, they are well represented in every family and community, they are widely patronized by all. Stop taking advantage of their situation. You can assist a young lady or young man without taking advantage. 

My main point is; STOP Stigmatizing, Discriminating, Criminalizing and/or Taking advantage of sex workers, they are human and most often vulnerable. They need your help, prayers and support.

I also hope this will help inform decision making process for progress in seeking human rights, justice, peace and positive behavior change. 

On a lighter note; I entered an erotic shop (sex toys), 99% of the crowded shop were women purchasing sex commodities, as I continued my adventure around the Red light district, I discovered (from the entrance as I was only site seeing), cinemas showing sex films were highly patronized by female tourist for 30euros (N9000) and then I began to think; "wetin dey hungry these women"...lol. 

Sex is part of  life, it's a good thing, originally designed by God. Let’s stop abusing it and embrace what is right.

Find below YouTube link from the Red Light Secret museum.....18+ "Uncensored".

https://youtu.be/0I9-tPDLdUE

https://youtu.be/uzj5tGknrQs 

Article By: Kayode Gomes,  founder/chairman; Love Planet International Foundation

Reference; RED LIGHT MUSEUM, AMSTERDAM