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Saturday 12 September 2015

TWO WRONGS CANNOT MAKE RIGHT….



Marriage/Love Relation is a topic that concerns everyone no matter your status, gender, sexuality, religion and age especially now that Divorce and Separation has become the order of the day…SAVE A MARRIAGE INITIATIVE has published its first article including extract from Online survey feedback to enlighten us;

Whether in the developed or developing countries, the family is seen as a very important institution in the society. This is because it is the first union God created and one of the primary groups of socialization. It is also referred to as the corner stone of any society as an ideal family provides stability, support and continuity of the values of such society. Recently, several kinds of data show the extent and seriousness of family problems that has led to divorce. The alarming single parent families and the number of reconstituted families in which there is a stepparent-stepchild relationship reveals that the family is doomed. Marriage and Divorce are both common experiences. Married couples expect a healthy home. Healthy marriage is good for couple’s mental and physical health. It is also good for children; children grow up to be mentally, physically, educationally and socially balanced. However, divorce often shatters the peace and harmony in the family. About 30 to 40 percent of married couples in Nigeria are divorced, 70 out of 100 are separated one way or the other, and some live together and do things opposite ways. Some are still legally joined together but live far apart.
Divorce is the legal dissolution/termination of a marriage by a court or other component body. It involves dissolving the bonds of matrimony between a married couple under the rule of law of a particular country and/or state. Divorce is typically a painful process for all concerned. It takes time for parties involved to regain psychological equilibrium. While the adults may regain, the children continue to suffer one form of mal-adjustments or the other. Post-divorce hostility between adults, in addition to directly harming kids, is a sure indicator that the emotional split is incomplete. Like every major life change, divorce is stressful affecting finances, living arrangements, household jobs, schedules and more. In Nigeria, divorce rate have been rising since the beginning of the 20th century, and especially since the 1980s. Some experts contend that the availability of divorce laws has helped weaken the strength of marriage making it difficult for couple to work out the inevitable difficulty that arises. This is evidence considering the numerous divorce laws available. But is divorce truly the answer for family instability? The causes of divorce is centered on variables such as negligence, sexual harassment, incompatibility, psychological problems, social problems, addictive behavior, economic problems, opposition and absence of consensual decision making, health problem. Extended family interference, Gender equality, craves for rights and above all, disobedience to God.



Extract from Online survey feedback

These are what some of our respondents have to say during an online survey.
1.      Divorce experiences
-          I and my wife separated when I lost my job in 2012.
-          I work with my clients on divorce issues.
-          I’m presently separated from my wife due to miss understanding, family interference and other reasons best known to her. I was also brought up by my mum whom was a single parent. I have seen close relatives and friends that have experienced divorce and I can tell you the experience is not good at all.
-          It's about a guy who went into all sorts of negative dealings and it affected him academically moving from one University to another because he always got into trouble and had to run...all these to lack of complete parental care.
-          She just cut off communications from her side but always replied me whenever I communicated with her through social media or direct phone calls.
-          My parents have been religiously separated in all areas for more than 20 years.
-          I am a gay and I have a partner that we have been together for 4years, later he started getting of me and dump me since then I vow not to date anymore but fun all over.
-          I was in a relationship for more than 2years but we broke up recently because, his parents were against the relationship with the reason that I'm not an Igbo girl.
-          Family experience.
-          My parents had a broken home.

2.      Reasons why Divorce is good
-          There should be an option to walk out of a relationship especially if it is abusive or violent.
-          In relationships I support break up but in marriage I don’t. In a relationship, it's beta to break up because it's still early so u don’t end up regretting it in marriage especially when u find out u both are not compatible.

3.      Reasons why Divorce is not good
-          Because God hate divorce.
-          Because it brings confusion.
-          Divorce victims hardly find true love and hardly fall in love, because friendship is better so that you will not fill agony in relationship. And human being change at anytime but with time you will know a true lover by friendship. That is my personal experience.
-          It’s not godly and brings insecurity and insanity in the society.
-          It's against my religious belief.
-          Divorce and Separation/Breakups is not healthy for any individual or union. It affects a lot of things especially when a child or children are involved.
-          In marriages, divorce leads to so many bad effects, now looking at the children, they are exposed to confide personal problems to friends and if the friend advises wrongly, they tend to move in such direction like prostituting for money for the Girl child, stealing and defrauding people can lead to effects in which they can be killed in the act or Jailed etc.
-          I believe all relationships must have a purpose.
-          Marriage is an institution for one man one woman were the two have made a choice without being forced to spend the rest of their lives together and so a great level of tolerance is required from this everlasting institution so therefore if one cannot abide by these then he/she should never attempt the entrance examination (wedding) because there is never a graduation date.
-          I don’t support divorce because of the deleterious effects it causes in our homes, the society and the nation. This effect boils down from children to both divorcing parties.
-          It’s against biblical and moral standards.
-          It complicates the lives of the children of the divorce parents. It could affect them psychologically and even social. Divorce is a bad idea.
-          It affects the children's subsequent idea of an ideal relationship.
-          My belief.
-          It’s against the gospel.
-          Because it’s for better and for worst moments (precise)...it still stands the union and vow taken on d alter.
-          This is because whatever God has put together no man should put asunder and marriage is a union approved by God and he alone should put asunder.
-          It’s meant to last till death. That's why enlightenment is needed before the union of the couple to avoid any break-ups.
-          Because it will make me never to trust anyone that comes to me in the name of love or date
-          Because Love covereth every multitude of sins. •love is sacrifice. •I believe if the couples truly love each other, there will be a better way.
-          Because if the both partners love, cherish, understands and tolerate each other, it’s not necessary!
-          Because, the couples made vow to be together for better for worse, till death do them apart.
-          I don't support breakups or divorces because it mostly leaves the other party devastated and in some cases, the broken person ends up either committing suicide or begins to treat every other person they come across with disrespect and disgust.
-          Because it’s neither good nor advisable, it curses heart break and jeopardizes the future of younger ones and children.
-          Because of its negative effects.
-          I don't support divorce in marriage it’s not biblical. The bible said a man shall leave his father’s house and shall stick to his wife. The two shall become one.
-          It Gives the Children broken heart. It gives them an unforgettable history of Marriage.
-          Because Jesus constituted it as a sacred institution that can only be exited upon death of either party.
-          It affects the kids involved mentally, physically and psychologically. It is proven that children needs the emotional attention and love from both side which is the mother and father and so the absence of one creates imbalance in their life.
-          My religion does not permit it and it’s for the best.
-          Because it’s against God's law
-          Because it isn't biblical......and besides, isn't a good thing.
-          My religion does not permit it and it’s for the best.
-          I don't support broken home because I was a victim of one and it affects a growing child emotionally, physically and psychologically.
-          The Bible made it clear. For better for worst till death do they part? That's how it ought to be.
-          Divorce is just a bad thing especially among those that have children, it will always remain a threat on the children even himself God never support divorce.
-          It breaks the home and has more effect on the child, besides it's against our religious belief.

4.      On what basis do you think MARRIAGE should be established?
-          On love and satisfaction.
-          To avoid sex outside marriage and also to prevent our self from other men and woman and is good to stay on one part. if there is understanding and sincerity.
-          On a Godly foundation, both partners staying in union till death separate them.
-          Love, Trust and patience.
-          Marriage should be established on Godly platform.
-          Genuine LOVE which is kind, not selfish, not easily angered, patient, it does not envy, does not boast, not proud, keeps no record of wrongs, it always protect, always hopes, always persevere etc. If you tell a guy or lady you LOVE him/her then you should be able to do all that for each other yeah.
-          On LOVE....LOVE for one another and more importantly LOVE for GOD.
-          GOD first, then LOVE, only God can sustain love because it definitely gets sour over time e.g loss of attraction for each other.
-          It should be built on Godly principles.
-          On biblical basis.
-          Love.
-          Emotions, finance, compatibility...
-          God, friendship and finally Love.
-          The word of God.
-          God's bases.
-          On trust and true friendship.
-          Love and Submissiveness.
-          Trust.
-          On a neutral basis.
-          When you are ready, and your parents also agree with the fact that yes, you are ready.
-          Friendship.
-          On mutual love, trust, respect.
-          On a basis of love, understanding n God's will.
-          Trust and faith.
-          Love, Trust, Patient, Obedient, Tolerant.
-          Understanding, Respect, Love.
-          Marriage should be established on the following 1) love. 2) God. 3) Agreement of both parties in becoming one. 4) Understanding between both parties.
-          On God's basis.
-          Love, trust and understanding.
-          The word of God.
-          On God's basis.
-          Marriage should be established based on the Word of God and Love.
-          Trust and love.
-          Jesus Christ the sure foundation.
-          I think it should be based and established on the platform that God has laid.
-          1. Religious because it’s stated clearly in the bible 'Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. 2. Financial stability is very essential in a marriage. 3. Compatibility of the partners 4. Understanding and tolerance.

Marriage is like when you join 2 pieces of paper together with glue and you tier them apart, each sheet of paper would take with it part of the other. This is a great image of what divorce does to both couples. It hurts both parties so much that both are hurt in the process and it even hurts the more when children are involved, therefore they should stick together because what God has joined together no one should try to separate.           

On a light note; “Marriage is like a DSTV with just one channel and a life time subscription”…..Kayode Gomes


Compiled By;
LPI-Foundation (SAMI Project)