Marriage/Love Relation
is a topic that concerns everyone no matter your status, gender, sexuality,
religion and age especially now that Divorce and Separation has become the
order of the day…SAVE A MARRIAGE INITIATIVE has published its first article including
extract from Online survey feedback to enlighten us;
Whether in the
developed or developing countries, the family is seen as a very important institution
in the society. This is because it is the first union God created and one of
the primary groups of socialization. It is also referred to as the corner stone
of any society as an ideal family provides stability, support and continuity of
the values of such society. Recently, several kinds of data show the extent and
seriousness of family problems that has led to divorce. The alarming single
parent families and the number of reconstituted families in which there is a
stepparent-stepchild relationship reveals that the family is doomed. Marriage
and Divorce are both common experiences. Married couples expect a healthy home.
Healthy marriage is good for couple’s mental and physical health. It is also
good for children; children grow up to be mentally, physically, educationally
and socially balanced. However, divorce often shatters the peace and harmony in
the family. About 30 to 40 percent of married couples in Nigeria are divorced,
70 out of 100 are separated one way or the other, and some live together and do
things opposite ways. Some are still legally joined together but live far
apart.
Divorce is the legal
dissolution/termination of a marriage by a court or other component body. It involves
dissolving the bonds of matrimony between a married couple under the rule of
law of a particular country and/or state. Divorce is typically a painful
process for all concerned. It takes time for parties involved to regain psychological
equilibrium. While the adults may regain, the children continue to suffer one
form of mal-adjustments or the other. Post-divorce hostility between adults, in
addition to directly harming kids, is a sure indicator that the emotional split
is incomplete. Like every major life change, divorce is stressful affecting finances,
living arrangements, household jobs, schedules and more. In Nigeria, divorce
rate have been rising since the beginning of the 20th century, and
especially since the 1980s. Some experts contend that the availability of
divorce laws has helped weaken the strength of marriage making it difficult for
couple to work out the inevitable difficulty that arises. This is evidence
considering the numerous divorce laws available. But is divorce truly the
answer for family instability? The causes of divorce is centered on variables
such as negligence, sexual harassment, incompatibility, psychological problems,
social problems, addictive behavior, economic problems, opposition and absence
of consensual decision making, health problem. Extended family interference,
Gender equality, craves for rights and above all, disobedience to God.
Extract from Online survey feedback
These
are what some of our respondents have to say during an online survey.
1. Divorce experiences
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I and my wife separated when
I lost my job in 2012.
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I work with my clients on
divorce issues.
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I’m presently separated from
my wife due to miss understanding, family interference and other reasons best
known to her. I was also brought up by my mum whom was a single parent. I have
seen close relatives and friends that have experienced divorce and I can tell
you the experience is not good at all.
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It's about a guy who went
into all sorts of negative dealings and it affected him academically moving
from one University to another because he always got into trouble and had to
run...all these to lack of complete parental care.
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She just cut off
communications from her side but always replied me whenever I communicated with
her through social media or direct phone calls.
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My parents have been
religiously separated in all areas for more than 20 years.
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I am a gay and I have a partner
that we have been together for 4years, later he started getting of me and dump
me since then I vow not to date anymore but fun all over.
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I was in a relationship for
more than 2years but we broke up recently because, his parents were against the
relationship with the reason that I'm not an Igbo girl.
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Family experience.
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My parents had a broken home.
2. Reasons why Divorce is good
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There should be an option to
walk out of a relationship especially if it is abusive or violent.
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In relationships I support
break up but in marriage I don’t. In a relationship, it's beta to break up because
it's still early so u don’t end up regretting it in marriage especially when u
find out u both are not compatible.
3. Reasons why Divorce is not good
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Because God hate divorce.
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Because it brings confusion.
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Divorce victims hardly find
true love and hardly fall in love, because friendship is better so that you
will not fill agony in relationship. And human being change at anytime but with
time you will know a true lover by friendship. That is my personal experience.
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It’s not godly and brings
insecurity and insanity in the society.
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It's against my religious
belief.
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Divorce and Separation/Breakups
is not healthy for any individual or union. It affects a lot of things
especially when a child or children are involved.
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In marriages, divorce leads
to so many bad effects, now looking at the children, they are exposed to
confide personal problems to friends and if the friend advises wrongly, they
tend to move in such direction like prostituting for money for the Girl child,
stealing and defrauding people can lead to effects in which they can be killed
in the act or Jailed etc.
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I believe all relationships
must have a purpose.
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Marriage is an institution
for one man one woman were the two have made a choice without being forced to
spend the rest of their lives together and so a great level of tolerance is
required from this everlasting institution so therefore if one cannot abide by
these then he/she should never attempt the entrance examination (wedding) because
there is never a graduation date.
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I don’t support divorce
because of the deleterious effects it causes in our homes, the society and the
nation. This effect boils down from children to both divorcing parties.
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It’s against biblical and
moral standards.
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It complicates the lives of
the children of the divorce parents. It could affect them psychologically and
even social. Divorce is a bad idea.
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It affects the children's
subsequent idea of an ideal relationship.
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My belief.
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It’s against the gospel.
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Because it’s for better and
for worst moments (precise)...it still stands the union and vow taken on d
alter.
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This is because whatever God
has put together no man should put asunder and marriage is a union approved by
God and he alone should put asunder.
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It’s meant to last till
death. That's why enlightenment is needed before the union of the couple to
avoid any break-ups.
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Because it will make me
never to trust anyone that comes to me in the name of love or date
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Because Love covereth every
multitude of sins. •love is sacrifice. •I believe if the couples truly love
each other, there will be a better way.
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Because if the both partners
love, cherish, understands and tolerate each other, it’s not necessary!
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Because, the couples made
vow to be together for better for worse, till death do them apart.
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I don't support breakups or
divorces because it mostly leaves the other party devastated and in some cases,
the broken person ends up either committing suicide or begins to treat every
other person they come across with disrespect and disgust.
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Because it’s neither good
nor advisable, it curses heart break and jeopardizes the future of younger ones
and children.
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Because of its negative
effects.
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I don't support divorce in
marriage it’s not biblical. The bible said a man shall leave his father’s house
and shall stick to his wife. The two shall become one.
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It Gives the Children broken
heart. It gives them an unforgettable history of Marriage.
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Because Jesus constituted it
as a sacred institution that can only be exited upon death of either party.
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It affects the kids involved
mentally, physically and psychologically. It is proven that children needs the
emotional attention and love from both side which is the mother and father and
so the absence of one creates imbalance in their life.
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My religion does not permit
it and it’s for the best.
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Because it’s against God's
law
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Because it isn't
biblical......and besides, isn't a good thing.
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My religion does not permit
it and it’s for the best.
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I don't support broken home
because I was a victim of one and it affects a growing child emotionally,
physically and psychologically.
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The Bible made it clear. For
better for worst till death do they part? That's how it ought to be.
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Divorce is just a bad thing
especially among those that have children, it will always remain a threat on
the children even himself God never support divorce.
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It breaks the home and has more effect on the child, besides it's
against our religious belief.
4. On what basis do you
think MARRIAGE should be established?
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On love and satisfaction.
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To avoid sex outside
marriage and also to prevent our self from other men and woman and is good to
stay on one part. if there is understanding and sincerity.
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On a Godly foundation, both
partners staying in union till death separate them.
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Love, Trust and patience.
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Marriage should be
established on Godly platform.
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Genuine LOVE which is kind,
not selfish, not easily angered, patient, it does not envy, does not boast, not
proud, keeps no record of wrongs, it always protect, always hopes, always persevere
etc. If you tell a guy or lady you LOVE him/her then you should be able to do
all that for each other yeah.
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On LOVE....LOVE for one another
and more importantly LOVE for GOD.
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GOD first, then LOVE, only
God can sustain love because it definitely gets sour over time e.g loss of
attraction for each other.
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It should be built on Godly
principles.
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On biblical basis.
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Love.
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Emotions, finance,
compatibility...
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God, friendship and finally
Love.
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The word of God.
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God's bases.
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On trust and true friendship.
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Love and Submissiveness.
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Trust.
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On a neutral basis.
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When you are ready, and your
parents also agree with the fact that yes, you are ready.
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Friendship.
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On mutual love, trust,
respect.
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On a basis of love, understanding
n God's will.
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Trust and faith.
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Love, Trust, Patient,
Obedient, Tolerant.
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Understanding, Respect,
Love.
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Marriage should be
established on the following 1) love. 2) God. 3) Agreement of both parties in
becoming one. 4) Understanding between both parties.
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On God's basis.
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Love, trust and
understanding.
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The word of God.
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On God's basis.
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Marriage should be
established based on the Word of God and Love.
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Trust and love.
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Jesus Christ the sure
foundation.
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I think it should be based
and established on the platform that God has laid.
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1. Religious because it’s stated clearly in the bible 'Do not be
unequally yoked with an unbeliever. 2. Financial stability is very essential in
a marriage. 3. Compatibility of the partners 4. Understanding and tolerance.
Marriage is like when
you join 2 pieces of paper together with glue and you tier them apart, each
sheet of paper would take with it part of the other. This is a great image of
what divorce does to both couples. It hurts both parties so much that both are
hurt in the process and it even hurts the more when children are involved,
therefore they should stick together because what God has joined together no
one should try to separate.
On a light note; “Marriage is like a
DSTV with just one channel and a life time subscription”…..Kayode Gomes
Compiled By;
LPI-Foundation (SAMI
Project)